When is the RIGHT time to sleep train your baby?

Have you heard of the new term on the parenting block called elephant parenting? I’m personally not a fan of labelling parenting styles but I thought it might help me explain this blog and what type of parents sleep training appeals to. Elephant parents are nurturing, protecting and gently encourage their children as opposed to Tiger parents who are pushy, authoritarian and low on emotional connection. 

Elephant parents do not rush their babies towards independence and thus would not sleep train their babies at all or at least wait until they’re developmentally ready. Tiger parents are more likely to sleep train their babies at a young age because they want to encourage independence.
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I like the sound of elephant parents, it reminds me of the term ‘it takes a village to raise a child.’ These animals are known for raising their babies in a herd and if the mother cannot do something for her baby other family members step in to provide this role, even supplementing nursing. If an elephant is in danger, the whole herd will usually come to help. The herd is led by a matriarch viewed as confident, wise and inspirational by the rest if the herd. Sounds great but not entirely realistic in our world.

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I Keep Hearing It Takes A Village To Raise A Child
Do They Just Show Up Or Is  There A Number To Call?

​If you’re reading this and think you might be an elephant parent and are wondering how you know when your baby is developmentally ready, then read on…

Some sleep consultants or Tiger parents that advocate for sleep training and teaching your baby to sleep settle will tell you that your baby is just protesting! I would argue that your baby is crying out for physical contact, something that is CRUCIAL for your baby’s social and cognitive development. I quote Nathan Wallis and his research around the developing brain “no baby is ready for sleep training before 12 months of age.” When babies are left to cry without providing any physical contact before they’re developmentally ready, they cannot dial down their sympathetic nervous system and this can lead to prolonged distress. You only need to read Harlow’s Rhesus monkey experiment to understand what I mean.

If you’re an elephant parent that bed shares and would like to eventually have your baby sleep in their own room then gentle night weaning is probably a preferred method to sleep training. This involves waiting until such a time (around 18mths old) when your child can understand what you’re saying and has an ability to communicate themselves. Sometimes the youngest child is moved into older sibling’s rooms to aid this independence. 

Even if you set out to be an elephant parent we live in a society that is obsessed with independence, and by the time baby is 12 months of age we’re desperate for any sleep we can get… much like a sloth – known for moving slowly and hanging upside down in trees to sleep. There are many nurturing steps that can be taken to ensure you get as much sleep as possible and encourages your baby towards independent sleeping. 

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